Post #14: ...Its been a day

April 23rd.

Today is my appt w my oncologist. I’m waiting on the 4th floor of the cancer center right now. Walking into this building brings a wave of emotion to me. Walking up to check myself in for an appt at the front desk is breaking. I just want to break down and cry. I look around and see so many people in here who have been through chemo and are immune compromised needing to wear masks. This floor and this building feels so heavy with grief. I see no positivity, or happiness in the people waiting on this floor. I only see worry and sadness. My heart goes out to every.single.person in here. Either themself, or a close loved ones, in this building is going through a journey like mine and it is heartbreaking.

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12:47pm - Just walked out of appt w my oncologist and his amazing nurse Michelle P (who will definitely be receiving a Grateful Heart! She was amazing and so compassionate 🩷). It was a hard appt. I cried 3 different times and held back tears additional times throughout the conversations w the doctor and nurse. I know you could say that my scenario is a good scenario, no chemo, no radiation, all my cancer is gone… but what isn’t gone and what I need to manage is my worry, my mind, my life is now different than what it was on Feb 10th before this diagnosis. In my mind, everything has changed. My mind will forever be intimidated by FC.

I will start a 5 year medication called Tamoxifen. This is to block the estrogen receptors and prevent the reoccurrence of cancer. I will see revisit this 4th floor oncology every three months for the next 2 years. This medication has excellent results, which I am happy to hear about, and also that my chance of reoccurrence is low, which I thank God. The heaviness in my heart and mind is heavy but I know I’m in good hands and have a good treatment plan.

Now it’s up to me to manage my mindset in this next part of my journey. I can’t let this fear take over my life. So, I guess my next ornament is perfect timing. “Faith over Fear”. Again I need to take my own advice again. Wow…. So easy to give advice, until you need to accept it for yourself. But I can and I will try to focus on that advice.

Now onto next appt - seeing plastic surgeon.

2:30pm - Just leaving plastic surgeon appt - wow what a different feeling from that appt. I feel like everyone there has smiles and are ready to help someone feel better about life. ☺️ My plastic surgeon is amazing, and just wants to make me feel like myself again. He said schedulers will call and I can get surgery done anytime after 6-7 weeks from now. My amazing husband says we need to go out to celebrate, plus it is a beautiful day. So we do! We go to Condado to enjoy the afternoon and the overall great news from both appts today. I feel good, but not excited. All of this information is just so overwhelming to me. I need it to settle in. All in all, it was a great day today.

We get home and on the counter is a little cute gift bag from a friend who said she dropped something off for me. I didn't know what it was, but I knew I would love it because I love all of the jewelry she makes. I didn't know it was jewelry, but by the size of the gift bag, I thought maybe it was. I open it up and it was a beautiful necklace! It had all my kids initials on it, with other charms - it was just perfect! I love anything with my kids on it or about my kids - they are my entire world! I put my new necklace on immediately and I feel so very happy! This was such a great surprise to come home to...and a beautiful text message to receive from her.

Again, it is times like these that everything hits me. I have amazing people in my life that are constantly checking in and doing little acts of love that completely can change my feelings at the moment. I had such a heavy day today, and then to come home to this wonderful surprise was incredible. It completely changed my mindset and attitude. Thank you dear friend. Thank you for thinking of me and gifting me with this beautiful necklace!