Post #4: Reflection - Loosing my identity

When I was first diagnosed,  I didn’t want to see anyone. And I definitely couldn’t say the words “I have breast cancer.” I felt completely alone like I had some contagious disease that I should be ashamed of. People would reach out and I loved every.single.message….. and I mean every.single.one. But I still felt ashamed and embarrassed for some reason and I didn't want the attention, and definitely not this type of attention… I felt like the person I once was, will never be that same person again. Now with this diagnosis, I felt like my whole life as I see it will be different and never the same. My identity, my circle of friends and my social life of what I once had, like just days before, will never be the same again. I didn't want 'cancer' to be my identity. 

Then one night I got a text from a friend “are you home?” And I froze, didn’t answer it. Thought if I didn’t answer, it meant no I’m not here.

Then the shortly after the doorbell rang. I froze again. Felt completely shaken and scared as I sat at my kitchen island. My husband went to answered the door and I heard two familiar voices and pleasant conversation between them and my husband. After sitting for a minute pondering what to do, I walked over to the front door to greet our dear friends who happen to be neighbors. We hugged; we talked …. like normal. We stood by the front door for about 20 minutes and it felt so good to chat about life, the kids and joke about always almost missing the bus. The ice was broken. They ripped off the band aid. It was exactly what I needed at that time. With their visit they brough the most thoughtful and beautifully themed gift basket created by so much love. Handmade card filled out by the whole family that was real, honest and genuinely from their hearts. It was perfect in every way. This surprise pop over visit was my first encounter since receiving my cancer diagnosis and it was exactly what I needed to help make me realize that I am not different, I should not be ashamed, I just got dealt a short straw for whatever reason. I'm writing this reflection to share that I am so very grateful for those friends who just broke the ice and made everything just real and as normal as it could be.  I didn’t feel contagious or ashamed, I just felt appreciative of their love and support of me in a hard time. Thank you dear friends.

The gift of "Sunshine" colors to "brighten" my day ... so very thoughtful and filled with so much love! XO!