Post #13: Faith Over Fear

April 22nd

2;45am  - I’m up. I can’t sleep. My mind is all over the place….. I can’t figure out why I can’t sleep. I pull up my website on my phone and read through my journals. Every time I read through them, it brings me right back. My journey has been a blessed one, in a very unwanted travel, but, never the less, it could be a very different path for me. I am grateful for my current path.

Yesterday I had a breast therapy appointment. I didn’t even know this was a thing. Wasn’t sure what to expect, but I went and it was a very needed and positive appt. She measured my range of movement and learned about the signs of lymphedema which is definitely a concern. Once developed, it becomes chronic and something that I would need to manage the rest of my life. That’s concerning. Another great side effect of FC. But let’s try to avoid getting that… so I will listen and learn how to best avoid that condition. I learn I need to work on my range of movement, and also use a compression sleeve on my arm, the side that 3 lymph nodes were removed. All in all, a very educational appt and I think some of my mental blocks were removed. She massaged my pectoral muscle which has been so incredibly sensitive, super tight and sore since my surgery. That helped me realize that some of my worry and guardedness of my right side is half mental, and I can stretch and use my right arm more to help get it back to what it should be. I will see this physical therapist 1x/week for the next month to work on my range of motion and muscle massaging.

Tmrw I have appts w my plastic surgeon to talk about surgery #2, when that can be and what that looks like. I also will go downtown for an appt w Dr Budd, my oncologist to learn about what my next steps will be. I am relieved for no chemo, but still feeling anxious for what comes next. What is the best steps forward to make sure I don’t need to worry about FC ever coming back. I’m anxious for this appt and what I will hear.

3:54am - I should go back to sleep. I have a full day tmrw. But do I? Lol. I could easily take a nap tmrw. I’m not back at work yet, but I know I won’t nap. I never do. I want to just jump on my computer and work on my website right now. I have a new ornament idea, surrounding faith. I’m going to design it today and get it going.

Faith has gotten me through the hardest of moments, I recenter on God and it can break me out of the darkness. I’m am fully and whole hearted embracing my faith. I’ve always been a faithful person. and have always preached and lived by the philosophy that “everything happens for a reason”. Now, I’m living proof. I just still don’t know the reason yet... But I will. God’s purpose for this journey is yet to be unraveled, but I know it will be one day.

I want to create a feed your faith ornament. This will be a powerful one. This will symbolize the power of faith and the mountains it can move. Accept the signs that you see around you and give into the calling.

This. This will be my 3rd ornament.

I can’t wait.

Ok now, should I wake up and start working on it or to try to get a few more hours of sleep?? 🤔

4:14am.

I am trying to go back to sleep but can’t. Pick up my phone and cleaning up my email inbox. I see the words “Faith over Fear” in my feed. It is a sign. That is the name of my new ornament. 

Ok now I need to put my phone down and try to sleep for 2 more hours! Good night 💕